Realizing Dreams

Sooo...today I had to do a "mock interview" for my Career and Employment Strategies class. I usually don't get nervous about interviews because well...when you're nervous, you mess things up. So, knowing that, I just try to stay calm and stay focused on what I need to do.

Today...was a tad bit different. It's weird because, this interview wasn't even for a real position. It was just one of, I don't know how many, practice interviews that business students have to do. Yet, I was nervous. The good thing though, is that I completely nailed it. Minus the fact that he interviewer said I should have come in, in a business suit and had a portfolio (-_-) you can't win em all i guess. But aside from that, he said I did wonderfully well, and if it were for an actual position, I would be hired! NICE!

Anywho. I said all that to say this...work hard, do the little things now, and you'll realize your dreams before you know it!

Yup!

Gone With the Wind

He comes....He cums....and He's gone....



Your feelings will fuck you. You lay your guard down and before you know it, your emotional innocence has been violated. You feel ashamed, like you knew better, like you should've noticed the signs. Hindsight is 20/20...and you can't go back in time to change the date you two met, so you just deal with the embarrassment of your misjudgements.

I don't blame him. Mostly, because I knew (some) of the story beforehand. I do blame myself for letting go and believing everything I'm told. No matter what anyone says, you can't ignore what's written...especially if it's a tattoo.

I don't like complicated situations. I tend to run away from them, but for some reason...I feel like I can't just leave it alone like my mind is telling me. Not because I'm "so deep in love", because that's not it. But I really felt like I had a friend and in a sense, a lover in him. Truthfully, I don't want to miss that. But dammit, if I didn't let myself get fkd over. SMH!

Welcome Back

Well...he was gone for awhile.

I cried, I wondered, I got mad, I was frustrated, I was confused, I was hurt and I got over it. Then, like clear pure clockwork...he bounces back in.

I'll be the first to say, I don't rekindle old flames. Once you're out my life, you're gone. Even if we can still maintain a friendship, I usually close off the emotional side and it becomes platonic afterward. In this case, however, this man means something to me. Something that even I can't explain, because I don't want to feel this way about anyone. I don't want to feel like someone has a hold of me...but in his own little way he does. I've missed so much about him, and I've tried to forget all of those things. Truth is, you can't forget what makes you smile and what brings you happiness. It wasn't all good, but I was happy.

I'm not worried about making false moves...I'm not gonna apologize for how I feel anymore. He owns a part of my heart and that is what it is. I've learned to accept it...

So...I've been thinking..

We spend our whole lives in search of...something.



We desire so much. We want love, happiness, friendships, success, satisfaction, the list is never-ending. In looking for all of this, and searching for everything, we lose sight of what's really important.

I feel like I've been working toward some sort of goal...and I have yet to find it. Some days I just wish things were simpler. That life was easier. Maybe that's what I'm searching for...

My Sleeve is Bleeding

Yea...I wear my heart on my sleeve...

My heart is big and I leave it open to all. I'm sure you may think that's a recipe for disaster and lately it has been, but even in the midst of it not being the smartest way to live, I can't have it any other way. I want to give my all. Open to pain or whatever it may be, I don't plan to change. I'm leaving myself open, because that's how you live. That's how you learn. Don't cut off the world because one person...or even five people hurt you.

Love on...and love hard!

JayHOVA!

Clearly...you know I'm talking about Jay-Z.

I've been a fan of Jay-Z for a while. Maybe not as long as some of you super loyal fanatical fans lol, but I remember the first rap album I bought was Jay's In My Lifetime...Vol. 1 & I've loved his music since then. Of course, I had to go back and do my history and listen to Reasonable Doubt so that I could get the full effect of his sound and message. In my opinion, he's defintely the greatest who's doing it...and arguably the greatest that EVER did it. Punchlines? Lil' Wayne might have that, but Jay's on something different...and I can't even say it's a reinvention, because he hasn't changed...just improved.

Anywho, I'm super excited about The Blueprint 3...so many great tracks,

"Already Home" feat. Kid Cudi
"Real as it Gets" feat. Young Jeezy (favorite)
"Empire State of Mind" feat. Alicia Keys (another favorite)

And...I'll be going to see him in concert! *bliss* lol

Can We Say Slackin'??

Ahh, kiddos...

I've been away for a little bit. Mostly, because school recently started and seeing as how it's my senior year...it's definitely super-grind mode. The other reasons for my lack of blogging is someone is helping me re-do my space. You can think of it as a mini-makeover. So, whenever that's done, you'll see the new layout. Hopefully, coming sooner than later lol. And of course, I've just been a tad lazy too, studying all day and working all night is nothing short of tiresome. Do not fret, ladies and gents. There's still more in my head worth blogging about and you best believe I have some stories to tell. Soooo, I'll leave you with this thought. Don't make competition with people who are beneath you...(there's a reason why I say that, and I'll let you know on the next blog) Stay tuned.

I {love} you all!!!!

Universally Remote

Sometimes you can be everywhere without being anywhere at all...



Life is busy. Between school, work, family, money, bills, and trying to start a little business for myself, I'm covered by, "things to do, people to see, and places to be." I don't totally mind it, I'd rather be busy than working on making a permenant dent in the couch.



But...when will the circus end??



I keep telling myself, this grind is for the bigger picture. It's beyond a degree, it's beyond a nice house and a flyy car, it's even beyond money. It's about making me known to YOU. Some people who read my blog may think I'm full of myself. I don't deny it, I love me...but I'm not FULL of myself.



I just see my life as a diamond. You're welcome to view yours however you like. My diamond life, isn't flawless, but it is priceless.



In all my scrounging to attain more, and be more. I feel like the me...the girl...the woman..Danada, is buried. Not in a death, "burial" way, but covered. In class, I have to be the student. Attentive and a wet sponge. At work, I have to be cordial and responsive to people's needs.



Who's responsive to my needs?



I lend myself to my friends listen to their misfortunes and converse about what's going on with them and what they want to do about the problem. That's fine. I love my friends and am willing to always be there, same of course for family and even more so. Sometimes though, I feel like the deed isn't reciprocated. Maybe I'm a "bottler"...you know, one who keeps it all inside until it's too much to handle and explodes like an open pop that was dropped on the floor. Because of that, unfortunate personality trait. I sometimes feel aloof and detached.



I suppose we all get a little lost admist the chaos of life. Perhaps, we all need that saving hand here and there. I'm no stranger to my feelings...I've very in tune to them and right now. I'm feeling universally remote...



Maybe, I need the circus...the acrobatics, the lights, the magic...maybe that fits me. I'm not engaging in a form of self-loathing...we just established, that, I do in fact love who I am and I'm in love with who I am to become. Guess, I'm just finding my way. I don't have it all figured out...there's no "real plan" complete with a Mapquest directional route for where I wanna be in 5 years. I just trust God to do what he does best, and that's lead his people.

Trial by Fire

God works in mysterious ways.

This morning, I told myself, "no matter what, I'm going to church.". I decided that it was time to stop procrastinating and make sure I made it to the house of the Lord. I didn't really feel like driving to my normal church, so I decided to go to my pastor's son's church. I figured we're all in the same faith, teaching the same doctrine (which is Apostolic, by the way) it shouldn't be much difference. Boy, was I wrong. I was greeted by many of the church members and they showed me hospitality, which I was grateful for, but there was something that didn't quite connect for me in the service. For starters, the praise team all donned this "futuristic swag" style of clothing. The praise team leader had the nerve to be rocking a studded belt, belt chains and some Vans in the pulpit. All matching his black skinny jeans, red button up and skinny black tie. Yea, he looked decent alright...but NOT FOR CHURCH!

I don't know the religious beliefs of those of you who kindly take time out of your day to read my blog, but "come as you are" doesn't really always refer to your clothing. Especially not when you know better. In my opinion, when one enters a place of worship, it is respectful to come dressed in modest attire. You can still be matched and look nice, but you don't have to be an eyesore for the entire church. Leave the crazy outfits for the club. No matter what you believe, it has to be admitted that what people wear in church can be a distraction to how you accept what's going on at the time. In other words, sometimes, people and their nonsense can block you from your blessing.

In all that, I do digress from my point.

I was raised in Holiness. I was taught certain Christian values that I will never forget. Yet, somewhere along the line, I left it. I won't say I lost my faith, because I still believe God to be a mighty force in my life and I know he is my strength...so no faith lost. I did, however, lose sight in the blessing on my life. I backslid...and now I'm faced with the very difficult issue of trying to come back to my first love in Christ Jesus.

I prayed tonight, I pray many nights, but tonight was different because I really needed help in my spirit. You see, over the past few months I've become a very angered and distraught person. I am easily irritated, quick to go-off, and dejected from how people feel. That kind of person is not who I really am. I'm a very nice person, I love people and I have a general concern for everyone and everything. I'm usually not easily angered or offended and would rather settle an issue wisely than with verbal or physical abuse.

As my prayer ended, I was lead to open my bible and read from Matthew 12. As I began to read I came to verses 43-45, which reads:

43 "When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none."
44 "Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished."
45 "Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also until this wicked generation."


I didn't completely understand the passage, so I called my grandmother. I read the verses back to her and before I could ask my question, she answered it. She told me that it was about a backslider and how the spirit of God is no longer in them so that leaves room for unclean spirits to come in. Even if they are able to get rid of one, more come and are worse and stronger than the others. They'll never find rest or peace until they allow God back into their hearts.

Blew me away...

If that wasn't the EXACT thing I was just praying about?!

I was so shocked, I became nervous, a little spooked out if you will. It explains so much. Once you let go of God and allow yourself to go about living without his protection, you subject yourself to whatever spirits you let come in. The feeling of anger that I have is apparently a replacement of something that I let go of before. The problem is, there's other things in my life now that I have to get rid of too. In essence, the issue is; until you give it over to God. You'll never get rid of all those "bad" things that haunt you, because for everyone gone, seven more come. That's a freaky thought, but if that ain't real enough for you, I don't know what is.

I have to go through something to be helpful for someone else. So, if this is my trial (which I brought upon myself, by the way) then I have to push through it and come out better. The fire is hot, but it burns away the imperfections.

I just want to be right again. I'm broken and I need to be fixed. Bear with me guys.

Inspire One, Lead a Thousand

Wow...I'm touched.

Today, I was on BBM with a good friend of mine, whom I had lost some contact with for a over a year. Since we've been bbm'ing each other, it's just been general "catching up" conversation. She's one of those people who I respect because I've never seen her change her standards for anyone. In other words, she's always kept it beyond real and greater than 100.

As I said, we were on bbm and she began to express to me that I was a "role model" for her and she had always looked up to me. I was absolutely floored by her comment, because although she's made a statement similar to that in the past, I just kind of dismissed it as a joke. I certainly never looked at myself as anyone that another person who want to model themselves after. I own no perfections.

I titled this blog as a play on words fashioned after the tagline from the movie Wanted, "Kill one, save a thousand." Well, I'm certainly not here promoting that, but I do believe that if your life and actions can spark something in one person's soul. Once you reach one person, the sky's the limit; you can usually reach others too.

I want to be a voice in the world one day. Not a big name or this uber famous personality, but someone who is able to move and motivate. I would like to inspire change and harvest self-love and acceptance. I still have a long way to go on myself, because I can't lead anyone if I'm lost at some things myself. I'm working on it though, bear with me.

Hot Chai Tea!!!

::Two snaps and a "mmm, mmm, mmm"...::

Think fiercely!

This morning, God blessed me to see a beautiful day, protected me and my family and all of you from harm and he gave me a lil' boost this morning too.

So, you guys know my routine, after thanking the Lord, I reach for my Blackberry (henceforth referred to as BB in this blog) and say what's up to my Twitter fam. Well today, I'm scrolling through and I get a @reply from none other than Ms. June Ambrose!! I like her work as a stylist, and she's also an author. Anywhoz, on Twitter she talks about Mad Monday's and "hot chai tea"...and I couldn't really place what "hot chai tea" meant. I just gathered it as some sort of boss lady slang she put together. lol

Until, I was taking with another person @redhaitian and he was telling me about the gay guys that he works with and how they call their gossip the "tea". Then, it all came together. Duh, "hot chai tea" is really juicy gossip! ^_^ (lol)

I was pleasantly surprised when Ms. Ambrose sent me a @reply and said this:

@ihartdanada I'm so proud of you! Welcome to the stylesocial cirlcle! Another diva has broken the chai tea Code!

Heh, a very small thing I know, but for some reason it kinda made my day (or at least the next two hours of it) I blogged about it right?!?!

Anywho, enjoy your day lovlies...and get all the "hot chai tea" for me so I can read it in your blogs!

Love yas!

Check out June Ambrose at http://www.juneambrose.com

...And So It Was Written

My, my, my, my, my...

The strangest, yet most motivating thing happened to me today. It was worth a blog, because it isn't the first time something of this nature has happened to me.

I'm not one to toot my horn...well at least not at the expense of undermining someone else's shine (I believe the spotlight sheds enough light for everyone who has sense enough to stand in it) but for some reason, people take to me. I can't explain it...but there's something about me that some people "see" (whatever that means).

I'm sure we've all heard people tell us, "you're special", "you're gonna be somebody some day" or any phrase of that nature. Our families and our friends keep us encouraged with words like that, and for a number of people those words are true. Clearly, there is no shortage of talent in this world. The world is damn gifted.

Today, while I aimlessly spent some time on Twitter a "follower" as they're called (but I damn near want to call her my homegirl) @HoodChicGonCorp said something so real and so stirring to me...

@HoodChicGonCorp: @ihartdanada im glad u see dat...I have an eye for greatness...so if you fail at life ...it's your own fault..! (fyi)

That's some real shit to say to someone you've never met, but have only spoken to via a social networking site. It hit me right then, that I have to get out and make sure I follow God's plan for me first, and second make sure I'm following my heart. The feeling of greatness is all in me folks!!! (lol)

I felt so motivated by that tweet, because as I said previously, I've heard things like that from people before, I've come to see I have a knack for speaking. I find it funny when people assume that I speak with ghetto diction and country twang (which sometimes I do), but then they are otherwise surprised when I'm fully capable of speaking with eloquence and articulation. I love that! Save your judgements and stereotypes for those who don't know any better...I enjoy proving you wrong! (lol)

Anyway, we all have that shine in us. We do. Let's not allow the entrapments of the world keep us from reaching and exceeding our full potential.

In the words of Diddy...LET'S GO!!!!!!

Can't Explain the Unexplained

Where do I start really...?

I have Loso's Way playing, "I Miss My Love", it's fitting for how I feel right now. How many times can you start over before you're all out of tries...before you're out of strength? At some point, your heart stops breaking and just bleeds out. You give up trying, because trying hasn't gotten you anywhere. As songs switch and "Disappear" by Beyonce' plays, the feeling becomes more certain. What did I know then, that I don't know now?

To begin with, we never listen to our "gut feeling". As women we often think too much with our hearts and silence our minds in clouds of bliss. That is, until that bliss turns into lonely nights and crying eyes. I guess, I can't really blame him for what happened (I mean I could) but that wouldn't teach me anything. No matter what happens in life and love, we must learn to heal our wounds and move on. Which brings me back to the idea of bleeding out. I've become so open to my emotions that I'm raw to even the slightest feeling. There's next to nothing there anymore, I've heard people use the term "emotionally raped" and although I find it to be a very strong way to put it, I can truthfully relate to that feeling. I have nothing else to give to you.

By nature, I'm a dreamer...I keep this idea in my head that allows me to look at things more smoothly. Yet, as we are all aware, reality is harsh, and waking up to a heavy heart will take a toll on you. Sometimes, I feel that my only escape is through the creativity of my mind---> so I blog. My other option is sleep. I haven't grown too keen to the option of actually tackling this issue head on yet. Truthfully, I really don't even know if I'm prepared to handle it.

It's in the past...and maybe it should stay there...but I keep revisiting old feelings like they'll make me feel new again.

Riverside && the Fam Bam

Welp, today to my partial knowledge, we were having a family reunion. For just about any black family in Indianapolis that grew up in the 'hood; if you have a family reunion, it's usually always at Riverside Park.

There's not too much to offer on the subject...I mean, most family reunions are about the same. This side of the family (my mother's mother's side) is pretty tame compared to my mother's father's side so it was crazy but...at least the police weren't called and half the family ended up in patty wagons. (no lie)

I saw a lot of people today, that either I didn't know I was related to, or hadn't seen in YEARS! The older I get, I realize that it is in fact, a small world afterall.

I come from a pretty musical and just all around talented family (I'm sure everyone says that about their family lol) but I mean it, and this year we did a family talent show.

There were A LOT of people that came out for this reunion...and that was good. I went last year, but I had to work so by the time I got there, people were leaving. It's always good to have family around, even if they start getting on your nerves. lol

Fam bam laterz....

qpitahcljalulaasjpi....right???

That made sense right? Well, it made sense to me in my head..(just kidding). I'm currently riding a wave of pain meds that doesn't seem too bad. I'm actually feeling, well...I'm feeling quite wavy baby lol.

This morning, I woke up bright and early at 5:00am *when I had just gone to bed at 3am* to drive myself to the hospital. No urgent rush...just, ya know...a lil' surgery. 0_o So, I'm in my sweat pants, hair tied, driving with no make-up on (literally) early in the morning, barely awake, praying to God to not only allow me to arrive at the hospital safely, but please just keep me awake long enough to get there!

I arrive at the hospital and it's a very strange feeling, because at 5:40 something in the morning, it's still dark and well...you're like the only person outside. Going inside hospitals always made me queasy, mostly because they all have this 'scent'. My mama says it smells like sickness & death, and although I find that to be a macabre way of putting it, she's kinda right.

Anywhoz, half sleep and completely groggy I find my way to registration, get checked in and get sent upstairs to surgery. The surgery registration lady, Mary, greeted me and asked the question of the day "are you here alone?" **side note: I was there alone, and practically spent the entire day @ the hospital alone, because my mom had "other things 2 do" - that's a story within itself...so we're gonna stick to the main idea here** So, I proceed to tell Mary that my mother had to put the kids (my brother's and sisters) in school and that she would be on her way shortly. Then, Mary says, "well, I'll just be your mom until she gets here." To be polite, I laughed it off and smiled at that remark, but I was officially DONE with Mary after that. A) I'm grown, don't really need assistance and B) I have a mom...don't need your offer.

While, checking me in, Mary begins to give me the rundown on my doctor and anesthesiologist. She begins to tell me how great they are as people, how they are such wonderful doctors, how they can move heaven and earth (OK, she didn't say that, but may as well have), and they were "kind". I'm thinking, 'great, she's talking them all up, but I could be dealing with crazy folks in the operating room." To end, mindless chatter with Mary, I once again, laugh it off, smile and take my seat far across the waiting room lol.

~~~also, for the patients who came in to be registered after me, Mary had nothing but nice things to say about all the doctors...I don't know about ya'll, but I saw those Md's pictures on the handout she gave me, and some of 'em looked a bit shifty-eyed if you catch my drift, they can't all be stellar.~~~

"Danada Hart..." I hear my name, get up and meet with my nurse, Diane. I was immediately put at ease because she was nice and she shared the same name as my granny :) So, I get in my room, go through the dreaded act of putting on those funky lil' hospital gowns, and try my best to cover up my buns (lol). Even, after all of this, it's still only 6:20am & mind you, I had only slept for an hour so I was good and sleepy. I dozed off for a second, and Nurse Diane came in again, this time, it was to get my IV in... 0_0 I have 3 tattoos, but I seriously despise any kind of needle action lol.

Usually, when it comes to the needles my biggest issue is that I have "small veins" and well generally it takes numerous needle sticks before they find a vein willing to cooperate. Nurse Diane was the sh*t though, because she got smart...wrapped my arm in a heated towel told me to be still for 15 minutes came back and bam! one of my veins decided to make a guest appearance for the event. As you can see...it still left some bruising. smh

Let's fast forward a bit to the actual operating room. I've always been under the impression that once you go under, the doctors, nurses and anesthesiologists are probably madd silly and unprofessional...because it's not like they need to impress you anymore, you're unconscious. So during my moment of "going under" (which by the way sucks a lot of a$$ because that anesthesia burns like hell, your eyes become like weights and your respiratory system seems to just stop working). Anywho, I managed to get my last chuckles in when one of the nurses said, "It's pretty warm in here" and the anesthesiologist replied "probably because you've had your legs open..." Ya'll if I wasn't going under I would've laughed harder, but she (the nurse) must have noticed I heard it because she followed his comment with "I wonder how HR {human resources} would like that." (lmao) Afterwards....I was in a dreamland so deep I don't even remember it.

Post-op was great. I was so high off anesthesia and Vicodin that I wasn't even able to chew my Teddy Grahams the recovery room nurse gave me. I would start eating one, then fall asleep mid-chew...wake up and finish it 5 minutes later (lmao, gross. i know) The experience wasn't bad. The hospital staff had me at ease and besides the OR blunder, they were all very professional.

On a better note, I still have BOTH of my ovaries! YAY! && I'm still riding the wave of a pain med high...at least until the post-op pain stops :-/

Take Two of these and Get the f*** Outta My Face!

Ahhh....

Okay ladies and gentlemen, for those that don't know me, I work for a large retail pharmacy chain. (Which would probably be in my best interest NOT to name) The job's cool. I've learned a lot, met some interesting people, worked alongside brilliant pharmacists who are well versed in their field. In general, I think it's an okay position.

Yet, with every good thing, comes 15 million bad things. Working in a pharmacy, especially of the retail variety is highly stressful. People are weirdos...and lucky for me, I get to deal with all these society misfits on a daily basis. Okay, I'll admit...I'm being waaaay nicer in this blog than I really feel like I should be. So, with that said let me tell ya'll the type of day I've had at work...well, let me just tell you about what goes on.

First, I used to work for a store that did a high volume of Medicaid. I have nothing against Medicaid, I find it to be a great program and very helpful for those who cannot afford their own health insurance, are unemployed and otherwise disabled or have children that need healthcare. Those reasons, totally valid and understandable. BUT for some people, Medicaid is supposed to be the "free crutch". These are the people who come into the pharmacy, doctor's offices, etc...and expect for everything to be free just because they're on Medicaid. Um, no boo boo. Nothing in life is free, and having Medicaid doesn't make you privilaged to any perks...it actually puts you at a disadvantage.

Working in the pharmacy, we meet all types of people from all different walks of life. Most of them unfortunately are bum a$$ people who don't care about themselves, or anyone else. In my opinion, anyone who wakes up in the morning and starts their day without giving the mirror as much as a glance, is gross. Do you not see the sleep in your eyes? I don't see how you can't cause I spotted it across the counter when you walked into the store. Does it not matter to you that your hair is ALL over your head... you didn't even bother to comb it? Do you care that you just walked in here smelling like yesterday's trash? I mean seriously, as a people we have to do better, but we can't necessarily help each and every individual. Some people just have to find their own way.

One of our pharmacy's ways of ensuring the correct package is sent to the correct patient is by doing an address verification. So, when someone picks something up, we ask a VERY simple question. "What is your address?" You would think we asked people to recite back to us all of Newton's Laws or something, because that one question gives people that famous 'deer in the headlights' look. I mean seriously, where do you freakin' live? We get everything from, "You might have my mama's address, but I live at (insert address here)" to people telling us their life story about why they moved 15 times in the last year. It gets beyond frustrating, when you're required to ask this question to each patient and more than half of them can't just answer the damned question. We all fall on hard times, and sometimes I am even persuaded to think that hard times just decide to fall on us, but why DO you move so much? Stop trying to live off of government assistance, spending your children's child support checks and acting like you're "balling" and just do what normal self-sufficient people do and GET A JOB!!

Saying that brings me to another point. As I've said before, there are a number of good reasons why someone should be eligible to receive goverment funding and for those people, I'm sure it's deserved. However, there are a good sh*tload of people who get on these government programs as a way to extend their hustle. There's no reason for you to get food stamps, a welfare check AND Medicaid healthcare coverage and you drive a 2008 BMW 325i. NO REASON. If you're dating the neighborhood dope man, then maybe you should re-evaluate your situation and find someone more stable. Let's face it, if he gets caught-up the police are seizing everything you own anyway...might as well find something legitimate now.

The bullsh*it is never-ending when you work in healthcare, because you meet a variety of people and they all carry their issues in the door with them. Rich folks are no better. I've recently been transferred to a store that is in a more well to-do part of the city and some of them are crazier than Stephon Marbury on Twitter. They're only exception is that most of them have cash and they don't care about how much something costs...the downside with that is, money can't always buy everything.

The "rich people" stories are different. A lot of them are going through divorces and sometimes, if you're lucky and you came to work on the right day, you'll watch their whole marriage unfold right in the line as they tell ALL THEIR BUSINESS in a waiting room full of people. You can catch spoiled rich kids get one over on their parents as they swindle money off their parents' credit cards using our easy pay option. And of course, like any place that has narcotics, you see the variety of drug addicts come through. They usually have more lies than a Russian spy.

By the end of the work day, I just want them all out of my face. Get gone and take ya BS withcha!

Ahh, Say It Ain't So

This morning, like most mornings in the past few months; I opened my eyes, thanked God for another day, grabbed my Blackberry and proceeded to tweet my good morning tweet. As the little update circle on Ubertwitter began to twirl and twirl with no results, I then noticed...there was a problem. At first, I was good and ready to call T-Mobile and request they send me another Blackberry. I've had issues with mine before, freezing up and giving me the never-ending hourglass of death. I exited out of Ubertwitter and tried good ole Twitterberry...nothin'. Okay, how about mobile web...that wouldn't even load the Twitter page. At this point, I'm frustrated and honestly, feeling like something is definitely wrong!

I get out of bed, head straight to my living room and get on my laptop. Okay, the globe is there...I'm connected..NO TWITTER!!!!! By now, I'm fully prepared to just lay down and give up the ghost. No Twitter connection means I'm cut off from a good 200+ people, but at least 25 people that I actually talk with on a daily basis. These people are almost like friends to me, we share jokes, euphemisms, daily work rants and just general happenings.

I got smart...there's always Blackberry Messenger!! Lucky me! lol So, I get on my bbm and send a message to my best friend to check if her Twitter is working, to which she informs me it's not. For good measure, I bbm a few other Twitter peeps who also share bbm with me, we're all hurting cause there's no Twitter. Somewhere, in the midst of like four conversations with people a thought dawned on me. Well, for one...I'm a twitter addict (and I'm sure I'm not alone on that) and for two, as a society we rely waaaaay to much on technology. In that 2 hour window of time in which I was frantically trying to find a Twitter signal, I could have been occupying my time better. How many of us can really go back to the time before the internet consumed us with watching YouTube videos, posting messages on friends' Facebook walls, updating our MySpace pages, and now as a Twitter-friend of mine said, "tweeting your life away". (shout out to @SoleCraver lol) He had a point though, whether he meant it the way he said it or not, at the essence of his words stood a very valid point. We are such a socially connected society that we spend a ridiculous amount of time behind our computers, phones and whatnot 'internetting our lives away'.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm glad that we live in a society in which we're able to connect with people all over our nation and our world by a mere click of the "follow" icon, and chances are, I'm probably not going to stop social networking. However, the thought is scary that if we lost all of this today...what would we do? That's something to chew on, because if you're reading this blog, you're connected. You may also have tabs up for Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube, Skype...etc. So, if it does end one day in a cataclysmic event...I'm glad to have met you all, much love! (lmao) Hope I didn't freak ya out too much! <3

More sole...

Hey guys...just wanted to give you the myspace link for gotSOLE? Boutique they do ship, if you're interested in purchasing. Of course, more is available for sale than Nike...there's Crooks & Castles, Puma (hot stuff!!), Adidas, et cetera...check em out!

http://www.myspace.com/gotsoleboutique

I Feel it in My SOLE!!!

Don't we all love a fresh pair of sneakers? I know I defintely do, and we have a hot place in Indianapolis that sells exclusive and creative shoes. In the trendy Broad Ripple section of Indy on College Ave. sits a cool little boutique called gotSOLE? The store specializes in super flyy kicks and basically anything exclusive that you probably wouldn't find in your typical Finish Line, Foot Locker, et cetera. The staff is absolutely cool, laid back, friendly and helpful. Here are a few pics of their new Nike shipment for August...

JORDAN CAMPUS CHUKKA - these are available in two colorways "LT. CHOCOLATE": light chocolate/dark cinder & "SAIL": sail/olive/khaki $110

NIKE WOMENS AIR STRUCTURE TRIAX '91: white/china rose/neutral grey $105

NIKE WOMENS BLAZER HIGH: opal/china rose/mahogany/metallic gold $80

NIKE WOMENS DUNK HIGH "TIE-DYE DOT": neutral grey/red plum/obsidian $85

NIKE BLAZER HIGH "LOW RIDER": black/black/cherrywood red/varsity purple $80

NIKE AIR MAX 1 "BLUE SAFARI": white/hyper blue/metallic pewter $95

NIKE DUNK HIGH: varsity red/anthracite/white $85

NIKE DUNK HIGH PREMIUM: black/varsity maize/total orange/sail $110


NIKE WOMENS AEROFLIGHT HIGH: metallic gold/metallic silver/white $75

JORDAN AJ1 RETRO HIGH STRAP "BROWN ELEPHANT PRINT": white/maderia/ginger $110

These are just a few of the styles that I thought were hot, but please check out their website...they have a wide variety of kicks that fit any style you're looking for.

gotSOLE?

6243 N. College Ave.

Indianapolis, IN 46220

(317)466-1173

info@gotsoleboutique.com

Follow them on Twitter http://www.twitter.com/gotSOLEboutique

**all images from http://www.gotsoleboutique.com ***

Let Me Tell You About Yo'Self!!!

Ummhumm...yea, that's what I was told. "So, I guess you think you're special, huh?" To which I responded, with a confused look, "um no, what do you mean?" Such was the dialogue that brought about a pointless conversation about how I am too strong of a woman and I need to learn how to need a man!!!!!!!! (wowzers) Okay, so I give him some credit. Yes, some women are "too strong", they hide behind their success, materialistic gains, pride, and confusion to admit that they may stand in need of help. Some women are, in fact, like that. However, this individual young woman, i.e. Danada - isn't one of those women. I have pride, yes, I was taught to have a certain degree of such. Weren't we all when he heard Maya Angelou's "Still I Rise" for the first time. "Does my sassiness upset you? Why are you beset with gloom?" (Angelou, Maya. And Still I Rise.New York:Random House, 1978) Of course, I have pride, but I understand the role a man plays in a woman's life. I honestly agree with submission (to a very certain extent). I am able to grasp the concept, that two people, who are in a loving relationship, need each other. That idea is absolutely fine with me. HOWEVER, this is a man that I've only known for a few weeks, have no love for (outside of the general love for humanity), and really have no NEED for.

I'm sure as you can understand, when I was told, "you need to need me", I was completely blindsided and thrown off by that comment. I don't need you, I don't really need anyone. Those that I chose to call upon in times of trouble are people whom I have known for years and I know that they will not disappoint me. That thought brings me to this point. I've been disappointed and left "high and dry" by so many people (not only men) that no, I don't bother asking for help. I don't even entertain the thought until you've proven yourself to be a trustworthy and dependable person. Needing you is not the issue, wanting you to get out of my face, is, however; the issue.

I don't mind being told off...in some manner I accept it, because sometimes that's the best way for you to know which points in your life need improvement. Have someone try to set you straight, and if they have any bearings on reality, they may just be able to bless you with a gem or two. For those who don't know diddly doo about you, though, can't tell you sh*t about sh*it. That's how I see that. I don't know. I can't really wrap my head around the idea of him trying to set me straight. N*gga please.

I don't get it...but I'm done with it.

Sometimes It Hurts So Good...

This is gonna be a short post, but I just wanted to update you guys on my weekend. To begin, I hope that all of you had a great weekend, and you arrived at your Monday safely.

So, Saturday was meant to be a day devoted to searching for a new apartment, because my lease will be up soon and I'm interested in moving into a new place. I get dressed and go through all the rituals of "gettin' right" for my day...meet my BFF at her place and get the exciting news that someone she knows, knows someone who's having a tattoo party. Tattoo you say??!! Ummhumm, I'm down like a clinically depressed braud. So, we saddle up (lol) and head there.

Now, I had two tattoos already and had previously sworn that I would never get tattooed at a tattoo party. Mainly, because I've seen some of the work that people have gotten from artists that do tattoo parties and um...well...it usually sucks mucho arse. However, this time was a little different. I watched the guy tattoo somewhere around four people and he was very legit, safe and clean with each person he tattooed. That made me feel better. So after hours of sitting at someone's house, watching this guy tatt folk up; it was finally my turn.

I can't even begin to lie...I was nervous, the sound from a tattoo gun is NO b*tch lemme tell ya. I don't know how people use tattoos as a therapeutic medium, because nothing is relaxing about pain...in my opinion. Anywhoz...I looked through magazine after magazine, searched website after website, but couldn't think of one thing that I truly wanted tattooed on my body forever. I know that people generally say, never get anything you wouldn't want to look at on your body 10 years from now. That saying is true, but I threw caution to the wind and got 3 stars. LOL Nope, 3 stars doesn't mean anything in particular to me besides the fact that I love stars (they're wishful).

Once, we got the design figured up the painful process began...there were at least 4 times when I thought for sure I was gonna tell him, "forget it, I don't want a tatt anymore", because it hurt THAT bad. I made it through the whole ordeal though...bleeding and in pain. No tears tho' :) So...here's some pics.

Enjoy...and once again...don't get anything that you really don't want. This tatt doesn't have any serious meaning, but it's something I like and I enjoy.

Bada Bing!!

Howdy everyone!!

Today was a strange day. Definitely not a bad day, just a little different. I woke up this Saturday with my usual agenda in mind. Got my hair did (pics to follow) and then got a call from my BFF @IAmBlkBarbi3 (follow her on Twitter) to go get tattoos...to which I happily obliged.

Since my first tat on my 22nd birthday (2/28) I've been really liking tattoos. I only have two, but I think they're a beautiful way to express your thoughts, ideals, beliefs, et cetera, et cetera. So, here I am preparing for another one, my third one actually. I'm gonna get a lily, because lilies (well some) represent innocence and purity. Mmmhmmm, I don't know how innocent and pure I really am, but I'ma rock with it anyway. lol

Once again, pictures will follow and I will post them on Twitter too.

BADA BING!! Tat me up! :-)

Idk why I'm looking simple..lmbo...umm, yea Goodnite :)

There's Nothing Else to See Here...so go to BED!

After days and days...rather nights and nights of going to bed at 1, 2, 3 and even 4 a.m. and a couple nights just being wide awake until the sun rose...I've come to the not-so-startling conclusion that I may have a sleeping problem. You think I'm exaggerating or jokin'? Nah, boo...sh*ts serious.

Where should I start? Welp, I'm a full-time student (who isn't these days) I just ended two summer sessions and the fall semester starts in about 3 weeks, and I'll be taking 17 credit hours then. I've been in school ALL YEAR...that'll drive anyone crazy. I don't work full-time, according to the hours I work, but you can't tell because I'm definitely there just about everyday. My family is great, but they work my nerves sometimes with general BS. THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BLOG. So I deal with that. Also, I don't eat right...if at all some days. I just get so caught up in doing stuff that I just "grab a bite" instead of getting a full meal. My memory sucks and if I don't write something down I can promise you I'll forget about it. So, in saying that...I'm a little stressed out. I lie awake some nights, not sad or depressed, but just running the next day's agenda through my mind making sure I won't forget anything. Details are important to me, so I do things to make sure I get all the loose ends of whatever I'm doing tied up. Simply put...I keep a lot of crap going on. From the looks of my agenda, you would think I needed a personal assistant (and if I could afford one, I probably would have one lol)

One night, I had enough of the whole "up all night" charade and decided to see my doctor about it. In retrospect, that was probably one of the worst decisions I've made regarding my doctor...besides even PICKING him as my MD. So, he prescribes Ambien to me. I really should've known better, and done more homework on the side-effects of the drug...especially since I work in a pharmacy and have the knowledge of Pharmacists at my disposal (smh). Anyway, after some apprehension, I take the Ambien one night that I was having trouble falling asleep. I figured it would take some time to work, so at like 12:40am I just started doing random housework, waiting for the medicine to make me sleepy. What happens? Nothing. Well at least not at first. I woke up the next morning to a stove full of cooked food which I never ate and furthermore DON'T remember cooking! So, as you can imagine...I was freaked out.

I swore it off and well I'm not much of a medicine taker anyway so I was doing okay. Until one night that I had to be up really early the next morning and was once again, having issues sleeping. Reluctantly, I take 1/2 of a tablet thinking it wouldn't be as bad. Ummm...I was definitely wrong. After taking the tablet, I went straight to my room, turned off the lights and got in bed...thanks to a good friend of mine who always texts me at odd hours of the night...I was up texting instead of sleep. In the midst of our texting, I noticed the light from my phone illuminating my comforter (which is striped) and then clear as effin day, the lines from the stripes were moving in waves...almost snake like! I just laid there trying to reassure myself that I was just trippin', so I put the phone down and turned toward my closet. That was a mistake because, I bullsh*t you not, it looked like one of my shirts was moving in my closet and the effed up thing is I'm watching this happen. I got on the phone and called my mama with the quickness. lol She stayed up with me and talked to me on the phone until I calmed down. She offered to stay the night to which I declined because that meant she had to bring the kids and I wasn't even about to deal w/ that in the middle of night whether I'm buggin' or not **I digress**


After that night I seriously, truly, and honestly refused to take anything...not even a Tylenol PM to get to sleep. It's not damn worth it...I don't think. I later went online and talked with some of my co-workers about sleeping "disorders" and in particular Ambien and its side-effects. Sure enough, hallucinations is a sure-fire side-effect. Needless to say, I threw the remainder of what I had away. People refer to sleep as many things, precious, necessary, and a cousin of death; and I don't know about ya'll, but I'm coo' off some of my cousins and I'm definitely coo' off death for now.

On a happier note, I was able to sleep easier, better and longer on my own. I don't know for sure what happened then that prevented me from getting sleep, but now I have no issue falling asleep. I welcome it! lol I still don't get enough, but that's for the reasons I talked about previously. Now, if I could just get off twitter at a decent hour, I'd be to the beat. lol

IDK, that was a strange experience and further proved to me that there was a reason why I didn't take medicine unless I was in absolute unbearable pain. Oh well, whatever...I can sleep now and that's exactly what I'm about to do.

Goodnight all!!!

How could he be so heartless.....??

So, I told myself...it's okay, you'll get over it. Well truth is, it's now weeks even months later, and I'm not really over it. I'm sure you may be wondering, wtf I'm talking about. Wellllll....I was talking to a guy who was a different kind of guy for me (i.e. not like the others) and I don't say that in the loose term that people use when they don't know what else to say about someone. He really was very different than any other guy I had been with before. Possibly, because he was older, more established and had accomplished things in his life. I was attracted to his tenacity, his past, his story, his passions...HIM. Just for backgrounds' sake, I'm a hopeless romantic and I believe that love is the strongest emotion one can have...except when that love turns into hate (but thats another blog topic altogther) Anyway, we talked for over a year, everything was good. Granted any relationship of any sort will have its ups & downs...we were no different. BUT then one day...I guess I said something that he didn't like...and he disappeared, literally.


Normally, under any other circumstances I probably wouldn't have cared, because I too have pulled the "now you see me, now you don't" on a couple of guys...but NOT after I've spent a frickin' year and half with them. What.the.eff, yo??!! Was I not worth an explaination to you? Did I do something so wrong that you just felt it necessary to see me Monday and forget me by Wednesday?? That hurt me to my core...I didn't cry tho. Not because "I'm too strong to cry" but because honestly, I think I saw it coming. Somewhere during that time, I knew he would eff me over, but you never listen to that little voice in your head...which sucks because that voice knows wtf its talking about lol

I will say this though, he kinda ruined my faith in men. No, I don't think all men are dogs, no I don't think they are all liars and cheaters...but I do think we're all human and none of us are above doing someone dirty. That very thought petrifies me. I want to love, I want to make breakfast in the morning, I want fix soup when he's sick, encourage him when he's down, support his endeavors, share his happiness, be everything to him that I would want a man to be to me. Guess it's just not my time. All I know is, that time better hurry up before I become a bitterfaced b*tch. lol (not really) I'm still a lover...i guess.


Yea, I needed to get that off my heart. It's been suppressed for months now.

Waamp Waaaamp

Morning world!!!

So, today was one of those days where you wake up and don't really feel like yourself. Not bad...not necessarily good either but just "blaah"...yep, I'm there. This year has been rough (for reasons that not even a blog can handle) but I'm still here and I'm still standing. Besides, sh*t happens..right?? No need to cry and bitch about it..although, I'm sure I probably will anyway. I'm one of those people that will always have an opinion about everything...and I like that about me, because people like that usually know what they want in life. So, if you're opinionated take this moment to pat yourself on the back ::pat pat:: I turned 23 in February...the 28th to be exact and I swear, this has been the year for me to DISCOVER, LEARN, and EMBRACE who I am as an individual as well as a growing woman. No perfections found here....I'm full of flaws...and I'm okay with that (well, for the most part lol) Also, I think some insecurities are good. They can drive you to become a better person, whereas some insecurites (if not handled correctly) can consume you and ruin the person you are to become. So, I say all that to say this LOVE YOURSELF. Love your big forehead, short hair, long hair, nappy hair, stringy hair, big feet, little feet, big ears, big lips, big nose, moles, unibrows, cockeyes, braces, crooked teeth, underbites, overbites, scars, bumps, bruises, bow-legs, pigeon toes, knock-knees, and everything else. I would've listed stank breath but THAT's a fixable and unacceptable flaw lmao.

Anywho....
I just felt it necessary to leave that little "jewel" of wisdom...

...and I'm out --->

Welcome to {Ms.} Understanding

Hey everyone!

Welcome to my blog. I'm fairly new @ this whole blogging world...I'm pretty big on social networking sites ( I find them beyond interesting) but I felt like I had more to say than what Twitter would allow. 140 characters can only take your thoughts so far lol.

This first post will be pretty short, seeing as how I'm just kinda finding my way around and figuring out what I want to do with this blog and how I plan to present myself to you, my readers! I'm an intersting person (I think) my friends dubbed me "weird" and I totally take that as a compliment. :) So in saying that, I'm sure that throughout the course of me providing my thoughts and ideals via this blog, you will likely form your own opinion of me...which is ok.

So, to give a little background about me. I entitled the blog {Ms.} Understand Me because that is the exact thing that happens to me all too often. I say how I feel and whatever may be on my mind, and sometimes it's taken completely out of context. So, here is my platform to say whatever I feel however I feel it. That doesn't mean that it still won't be misunderstood, but at least I can still express myself freely.

Okay, I think you get the drift....

Check you later!