It's A Ghost!!

Yep....believe it, I'm back.

Why...?? Because, I need to continue this...finish something I've started or at least continue it with no finishing point in sight. There will be a change though. I'm kind of switching gears a bit from my former path to a different one. Beauty. Ahhh, I know what you're thinking. "Everyone has a beauty blog." And to that I simply say, "so". (Not to be rude or anything, just sayin') I've loved "pretty things" since I was a wee-bit lady. I have a pretty decent make-up collection and a healthy addiction to back it, so there won't be a shortage of things to talk about. So, anyway, with that being said....let's get Luxe!! :)

Strange Reality

Hmm...sometimes we hold onto things that just don't mean us any good.

WHY IS THAT???

Of course, I don't have any answers for that, just theories that I've formulated from my own personal issues. Every day brings a lesson. It's natural for us as humans to feel pain, but behind the tears and grief and whatever else, what have we learned from the experience. That's truly what matters. The lesson learned. I spent a lot of time over this past year trying to figure "me" out. The strange reality of it all is that I can't. Not because I just fail to reach a decision, but because human emotions are too fickle and too complex to narrow down to one concise element. IDK, maybe I'm saying too much without saying anything at all, but I know I've been hurt and I'm still hurting...I just want to let go.

OH MY GAWD!!!!

Ok ya'll I know...I know...for those few subscribers that I had to begin with, I totally understand if you jumped off the bandwagon because I was M.I.A. for so long. I'll be sad, but I don't blame ya.

Trust me, it's okay. I disappeared from Twitter for a while too. <---but most of all of my followers held me down. So "woot woot" to ya'll.

Anywhoz, there's more to blog about than what I think should be written in ONE post so over the next few days I'll be catching you guys up on the foolishness, great moments, sad times and whatever other randomness went on in my life over the past few months.

First things first...I'm Preggers McGreggers. Yup, you read right. 'Ms. I'm-neva-havin'-kids' is a little over 5 months pregnant, and I'm actually SUPER excited about it. Unfortunately, due to changes with Dr.'s and whatnot, I don't know what's kicking around down there, but trust me; when I know, you too shall know. :) So, I'll try posting ultrasound pics and whatnot soon.

Secondly...for all the women who are single mothers and have to deal with "baby daddy drama" I have a whole new glorious appreciation for you. Geez Louise ya'll are strong.

Let's see...what else? Hmm...well...as soon as I can I'm trying to upload videos to my YouTube channel http://www.youtube.com/dyhart86 I'll basically be talking about beauty (makeup, skin care, hair, accessories, etc.) It's not going to get too much into fashion, because although I love to shop and buy clothes, it can get quite tedious trying to keep up with all of that via YouTube. :)

So, anyway my Lovlies. I'm so glad to be back with you and I hope that you're glad to be reading my rants and raves yet again, because I'm pulling out my soapbox to spread the gospel about life's foolishness lol So, grab your church fans cuz it's gonna get HOT!

Peace & Love...and a little eyeshadow too :)

Realizing Dreams

Sooo...today I had to do a "mock interview" for my Career and Employment Strategies class. I usually don't get nervous about interviews because well...when you're nervous, you mess things up. So, knowing that, I just try to stay calm and stay focused on what I need to do.

Today...was a tad bit different. It's weird because, this interview wasn't even for a real position. It was just one of, I don't know how many, practice interviews that business students have to do. Yet, I was nervous. The good thing though, is that I completely nailed it. Minus the fact that he interviewer said I should have come in, in a business suit and had a portfolio (-_-) you can't win em all i guess. But aside from that, he said I did wonderfully well, and if it were for an actual position, I would be hired! NICE!

Anywho. I said all that to say this...work hard, do the little things now, and you'll realize your dreams before you know it!

Yup!

Gone With the Wind

He comes....He cums....and He's gone....



Your feelings will fuck you. You lay your guard down and before you know it, your emotional innocence has been violated. You feel ashamed, like you knew better, like you should've noticed the signs. Hindsight is 20/20...and you can't go back in time to change the date you two met, so you just deal with the embarrassment of your misjudgements.

I don't blame him. Mostly, because I knew (some) of the story beforehand. I do blame myself for letting go and believing everything I'm told. No matter what anyone says, you can't ignore what's written...especially if it's a tattoo.

I don't like complicated situations. I tend to run away from them, but for some reason...I feel like I can't just leave it alone like my mind is telling me. Not because I'm "so deep in love", because that's not it. But I really felt like I had a friend and in a sense, a lover in him. Truthfully, I don't want to miss that. But dammit, if I didn't let myself get fkd over. SMH!

Welcome Back

Well...he was gone for awhile.

I cried, I wondered, I got mad, I was frustrated, I was confused, I was hurt and I got over it. Then, like clear pure clockwork...he bounces back in.

I'll be the first to say, I don't rekindle old flames. Once you're out my life, you're gone. Even if we can still maintain a friendship, I usually close off the emotional side and it becomes platonic afterward. In this case, however, this man means something to me. Something that even I can't explain, because I don't want to feel this way about anyone. I don't want to feel like someone has a hold of me...but in his own little way he does. I've missed so much about him, and I've tried to forget all of those things. Truth is, you can't forget what makes you smile and what brings you happiness. It wasn't all good, but I was happy.

I'm not worried about making false moves...I'm not gonna apologize for how I feel anymore. He owns a part of my heart and that is what it is. I've learned to accept it...

So...I've been thinking..

We spend our whole lives in search of...something.



We desire so much. We want love, happiness, friendships, success, satisfaction, the list is never-ending. In looking for all of this, and searching for everything, we lose sight of what's really important.

I feel like I've been working toward some sort of goal...and I have yet to find it. Some days I just wish things were simpler. That life was easier. Maybe that's what I'm searching for...

My Sleeve is Bleeding

Yea...I wear my heart on my sleeve...

My heart is big and I leave it open to all. I'm sure you may think that's a recipe for disaster and lately it has been, but even in the midst of it not being the smartest way to live, I can't have it any other way. I want to give my all. Open to pain or whatever it may be, I don't plan to change. I'm leaving myself open, because that's how you live. That's how you learn. Don't cut off the world because one person...or even five people hurt you.

Love on...and love hard!

JayHOVA!

Clearly...you know I'm talking about Jay-Z.

I've been a fan of Jay-Z for a while. Maybe not as long as some of you super loyal fanatical fans lol, but I remember the first rap album I bought was Jay's In My Lifetime...Vol. 1 & I've loved his music since then. Of course, I had to go back and do my history and listen to Reasonable Doubt so that I could get the full effect of his sound and message. In my opinion, he's defintely the greatest who's doing it...and arguably the greatest that EVER did it. Punchlines? Lil' Wayne might have that, but Jay's on something different...and I can't even say it's a reinvention, because he hasn't changed...just improved.

Anywho, I'm super excited about The Blueprint 3...so many great tracks,

"Already Home" feat. Kid Cudi
"Real as it Gets" feat. Young Jeezy (favorite)
"Empire State of Mind" feat. Alicia Keys (another favorite)

And...I'll be going to see him in concert! *bliss* lol

Can We Say Slackin'??

Ahh, kiddos...

I've been away for a little bit. Mostly, because school recently started and seeing as how it's my senior year...it's definitely super-grind mode. The other reasons for my lack of blogging is someone is helping me re-do my space. You can think of it as a mini-makeover. So, whenever that's done, you'll see the new layout. Hopefully, coming sooner than later lol. And of course, I've just been a tad lazy too, studying all day and working all night is nothing short of tiresome. Do not fret, ladies and gents. There's still more in my head worth blogging about and you best believe I have some stories to tell. Soooo, I'll leave you with this thought. Don't make competition with people who are beneath you...(there's a reason why I say that, and I'll let you know on the next blog) Stay tuned.

I {love} you all!!!!

Universally Remote

Sometimes you can be everywhere without being anywhere at all...



Life is busy. Between school, work, family, money, bills, and trying to start a little business for myself, I'm covered by, "things to do, people to see, and places to be." I don't totally mind it, I'd rather be busy than working on making a permenant dent in the couch.



But...when will the circus end??



I keep telling myself, this grind is for the bigger picture. It's beyond a degree, it's beyond a nice house and a flyy car, it's even beyond money. It's about making me known to YOU. Some people who read my blog may think I'm full of myself. I don't deny it, I love me...but I'm not FULL of myself.



I just see my life as a diamond. You're welcome to view yours however you like. My diamond life, isn't flawless, but it is priceless.



In all my scrounging to attain more, and be more. I feel like the me...the girl...the woman..Danada, is buried. Not in a death, "burial" way, but covered. In class, I have to be the student. Attentive and a wet sponge. At work, I have to be cordial and responsive to people's needs.



Who's responsive to my needs?



I lend myself to my friends listen to their misfortunes and converse about what's going on with them and what they want to do about the problem. That's fine. I love my friends and am willing to always be there, same of course for family and even more so. Sometimes though, I feel like the deed isn't reciprocated. Maybe I'm a "bottler"...you know, one who keeps it all inside until it's too much to handle and explodes like an open pop that was dropped on the floor. Because of that, unfortunate personality trait. I sometimes feel aloof and detached.



I suppose we all get a little lost admist the chaos of life. Perhaps, we all need that saving hand here and there. I'm no stranger to my feelings...I've very in tune to them and right now. I'm feeling universally remote...



Maybe, I need the circus...the acrobatics, the lights, the magic...maybe that fits me. I'm not engaging in a form of self-loathing...we just established, that, I do in fact love who I am and I'm in love with who I am to become. Guess, I'm just finding my way. I don't have it all figured out...there's no "real plan" complete with a Mapquest directional route for where I wanna be in 5 years. I just trust God to do what he does best, and that's lead his people.

Trial by Fire

God works in mysterious ways.

This morning, I told myself, "no matter what, I'm going to church.". I decided that it was time to stop procrastinating and make sure I made it to the house of the Lord. I didn't really feel like driving to my normal church, so I decided to go to my pastor's son's church. I figured we're all in the same faith, teaching the same doctrine (which is Apostolic, by the way) it shouldn't be much difference. Boy, was I wrong. I was greeted by many of the church members and they showed me hospitality, which I was grateful for, but there was something that didn't quite connect for me in the service. For starters, the praise team all donned this "futuristic swag" style of clothing. The praise team leader had the nerve to be rocking a studded belt, belt chains and some Vans in the pulpit. All matching his black skinny jeans, red button up and skinny black tie. Yea, he looked decent alright...but NOT FOR CHURCH!

I don't know the religious beliefs of those of you who kindly take time out of your day to read my blog, but "come as you are" doesn't really always refer to your clothing. Especially not when you know better. In my opinion, when one enters a place of worship, it is respectful to come dressed in modest attire. You can still be matched and look nice, but you don't have to be an eyesore for the entire church. Leave the crazy outfits for the club. No matter what you believe, it has to be admitted that what people wear in church can be a distraction to how you accept what's going on at the time. In other words, sometimes, people and their nonsense can block you from your blessing.

In all that, I do digress from my point.

I was raised in Holiness. I was taught certain Christian values that I will never forget. Yet, somewhere along the line, I left it. I won't say I lost my faith, because I still believe God to be a mighty force in my life and I know he is my strength...so no faith lost. I did, however, lose sight in the blessing on my life. I backslid...and now I'm faced with the very difficult issue of trying to come back to my first love in Christ Jesus.

I prayed tonight, I pray many nights, but tonight was different because I really needed help in my spirit. You see, over the past few months I've become a very angered and distraught person. I am easily irritated, quick to go-off, and dejected from how people feel. That kind of person is not who I really am. I'm a very nice person, I love people and I have a general concern for everyone and everything. I'm usually not easily angered or offended and would rather settle an issue wisely than with verbal or physical abuse.

As my prayer ended, I was lead to open my bible and read from Matthew 12. As I began to read I came to verses 43-45, which reads:

43 "When the unclean spirit is gone out of a man, he walketh through dry places, seeking rest, and findeth none."
44 "Then he saith, I will return into my house from whence I came out; and when he is come he findeth it empty, swept, and garnished."
45 "Then goeth he, and taketh with himself seven other spirits more wicked than himself, and they enter in and dwell there: and the last state of that man is worse than the first. Even so shall it be also until this wicked generation."


I didn't completely understand the passage, so I called my grandmother. I read the verses back to her and before I could ask my question, she answered it. She told me that it was about a backslider and how the spirit of God is no longer in them so that leaves room for unclean spirits to come in. Even if they are able to get rid of one, more come and are worse and stronger than the others. They'll never find rest or peace until they allow God back into their hearts.

Blew me away...

If that wasn't the EXACT thing I was just praying about?!

I was so shocked, I became nervous, a little spooked out if you will. It explains so much. Once you let go of God and allow yourself to go about living without his protection, you subject yourself to whatever spirits you let come in. The feeling of anger that I have is apparently a replacement of something that I let go of before. The problem is, there's other things in my life now that I have to get rid of too. In essence, the issue is; until you give it over to God. You'll never get rid of all those "bad" things that haunt you, because for everyone gone, seven more come. That's a freaky thought, but if that ain't real enough for you, I don't know what is.

I have to go through something to be helpful for someone else. So, if this is my trial (which I brought upon myself, by the way) then I have to push through it and come out better. The fire is hot, but it burns away the imperfections.

I just want to be right again. I'm broken and I need to be fixed. Bear with me guys.

Inspire One, Lead a Thousand

Wow...I'm touched.

Today, I was on BBM with a good friend of mine, whom I had lost some contact with for a over a year. Since we've been bbm'ing each other, it's just been general "catching up" conversation. She's one of those people who I respect because I've never seen her change her standards for anyone. In other words, she's always kept it beyond real and greater than 100.

As I said, we were on bbm and she began to express to me that I was a "role model" for her and she had always looked up to me. I was absolutely floored by her comment, because although she's made a statement similar to that in the past, I just kind of dismissed it as a joke. I certainly never looked at myself as anyone that another person who want to model themselves after. I own no perfections.

I titled this blog as a play on words fashioned after the tagline from the movie Wanted, "Kill one, save a thousand." Well, I'm certainly not here promoting that, but I do believe that if your life and actions can spark something in one person's soul. Once you reach one person, the sky's the limit; you can usually reach others too.

I want to be a voice in the world one day. Not a big name or this uber famous personality, but someone who is able to move and motivate. I would like to inspire change and harvest self-love and acceptance. I still have a long way to go on myself, because I can't lead anyone if I'm lost at some things myself. I'm working on it though, bear with me.

Hot Chai Tea!!!

::Two snaps and a "mmm, mmm, mmm"...::

Think fiercely!

This morning, God blessed me to see a beautiful day, protected me and my family and all of you from harm and he gave me a lil' boost this morning too.

So, you guys know my routine, after thanking the Lord, I reach for my Blackberry (henceforth referred to as BB in this blog) and say what's up to my Twitter fam. Well today, I'm scrolling through and I get a @reply from none other than Ms. June Ambrose!! I like her work as a stylist, and she's also an author. Anywhoz, on Twitter she talks about Mad Monday's and "hot chai tea"...and I couldn't really place what "hot chai tea" meant. I just gathered it as some sort of boss lady slang she put together. lol

Until, I was taking with another person @redhaitian and he was telling me about the gay guys that he works with and how they call their gossip the "tea". Then, it all came together. Duh, "hot chai tea" is really juicy gossip! ^_^ (lol)

I was pleasantly surprised when Ms. Ambrose sent me a @reply and said this:

@ihartdanada I'm so proud of you! Welcome to the stylesocial cirlcle! Another diva has broken the chai tea Code!

Heh, a very small thing I know, but for some reason it kinda made my day (or at least the next two hours of it) I blogged about it right?!?!

Anywho, enjoy your day lovlies...and get all the "hot chai tea" for me so I can read it in your blogs!

Love yas!

Check out June Ambrose at http://www.juneambrose.com

...And So It Was Written

My, my, my, my, my...

The strangest, yet most motivating thing happened to me today. It was worth a blog, because it isn't the first time something of this nature has happened to me.

I'm not one to toot my horn...well at least not at the expense of undermining someone else's shine (I believe the spotlight sheds enough light for everyone who has sense enough to stand in it) but for some reason, people take to me. I can't explain it...but there's something about me that some people "see" (whatever that means).

I'm sure we've all heard people tell us, "you're special", "you're gonna be somebody some day" or any phrase of that nature. Our families and our friends keep us encouraged with words like that, and for a number of people those words are true. Clearly, there is no shortage of talent in this world. The world is damn gifted.

Today, while I aimlessly spent some time on Twitter a "follower" as they're called (but I damn near want to call her my homegirl) @HoodChicGonCorp said something so real and so stirring to me...

@HoodChicGonCorp: @ihartdanada im glad u see dat...I have an eye for greatness...so if you fail at life ...it's your own fault..! (fyi)

That's some real shit to say to someone you've never met, but have only spoken to via a social networking site. It hit me right then, that I have to get out and make sure I follow God's plan for me first, and second make sure I'm following my heart. The feeling of greatness is all in me folks!!! (lol)

I felt so motivated by that tweet, because as I said previously, I've heard things like that from people before, I've come to see I have a knack for speaking. I find it funny when people assume that I speak with ghetto diction and country twang (which sometimes I do), but then they are otherwise surprised when I'm fully capable of speaking with eloquence and articulation. I love that! Save your judgements and stereotypes for those who don't know any better...I enjoy proving you wrong! (lol)

Anyway, we all have that shine in us. We do. Let's not allow the entrapments of the world keep us from reaching and exceeding our full potential.

In the words of Diddy...LET'S GO!!!!!!

Can't Explain the Unexplained

Where do I start really...?

I have Loso's Way playing, "I Miss My Love", it's fitting for how I feel right now. How many times can you start over before you're all out of tries...before you're out of strength? At some point, your heart stops breaking and just bleeds out. You give up trying, because trying hasn't gotten you anywhere. As songs switch and "Disappear" by Beyonce' plays, the feeling becomes more certain. What did I know then, that I don't know now?

To begin with, we never listen to our "gut feeling". As women we often think too much with our hearts and silence our minds in clouds of bliss. That is, until that bliss turns into lonely nights and crying eyes. I guess, I can't really blame him for what happened (I mean I could) but that wouldn't teach me anything. No matter what happens in life and love, we must learn to heal our wounds and move on. Which brings me back to the idea of bleeding out. I've become so open to my emotions that I'm raw to even the slightest feeling. There's next to nothing there anymore, I've heard people use the term "emotionally raped" and although I find it to be a very strong way to put it, I can truthfully relate to that feeling. I have nothing else to give to you.

By nature, I'm a dreamer...I keep this idea in my head that allows me to look at things more smoothly. Yet, as we are all aware, reality is harsh, and waking up to a heavy heart will take a toll on you. Sometimes, I feel that my only escape is through the creativity of my mind---> so I blog. My other option is sleep. I haven't grown too keen to the option of actually tackling this issue head on yet. Truthfully, I really don't even know if I'm prepared to handle it.

It's in the past...and maybe it should stay there...but I keep revisiting old feelings like they'll make me feel new again.

Riverside && the Fam Bam

Welp, today to my partial knowledge, we were having a family reunion. For just about any black family in Indianapolis that grew up in the 'hood; if you have a family reunion, it's usually always at Riverside Park.

There's not too much to offer on the subject...I mean, most family reunions are about the same. This side of the family (my mother's mother's side) is pretty tame compared to my mother's father's side so it was crazy but...at least the police weren't called and half the family ended up in patty wagons. (no lie)

I saw a lot of people today, that either I didn't know I was related to, or hadn't seen in YEARS! The older I get, I realize that it is in fact, a small world afterall.

I come from a pretty musical and just all around talented family (I'm sure everyone says that about their family lol) but I mean it, and this year we did a family talent show.

There were A LOT of people that came out for this reunion...and that was good. I went last year, but I had to work so by the time I got there, people were leaving. It's always good to have family around, even if they start getting on your nerves. lol

Fam bam laterz....

qpitahcljalulaasjpi....right???

That made sense right? Well, it made sense to me in my head..(just kidding). I'm currently riding a wave of pain meds that doesn't seem too bad. I'm actually feeling, well...I'm feeling quite wavy baby lol.

This morning, I woke up bright and early at 5:00am *when I had just gone to bed at 3am* to drive myself to the hospital. No urgent rush...just, ya know...a lil' surgery. 0_o So, I'm in my sweat pants, hair tied, driving with no make-up on (literally) early in the morning, barely awake, praying to God to not only allow me to arrive at the hospital safely, but please just keep me awake long enough to get there!

I arrive at the hospital and it's a very strange feeling, because at 5:40 something in the morning, it's still dark and well...you're like the only person outside. Going inside hospitals always made me queasy, mostly because they all have this 'scent'. My mama says it smells like sickness & death, and although I find that to be a macabre way of putting it, she's kinda right.

Anywhoz, half sleep and completely groggy I find my way to registration, get checked in and get sent upstairs to surgery. The surgery registration lady, Mary, greeted me and asked the question of the day "are you here alone?" **side note: I was there alone, and practically spent the entire day @ the hospital alone, because my mom had "other things 2 do" - that's a story within itself...so we're gonna stick to the main idea here** So, I proceed to tell Mary that my mother had to put the kids (my brother's and sisters) in school and that she would be on her way shortly. Then, Mary says, "well, I'll just be your mom until she gets here." To be polite, I laughed it off and smiled at that remark, but I was officially DONE with Mary after that. A) I'm grown, don't really need assistance and B) I have a mom...don't need your offer.

While, checking me in, Mary begins to give me the rundown on my doctor and anesthesiologist. She begins to tell me how great they are as people, how they are such wonderful doctors, how they can move heaven and earth (OK, she didn't say that, but may as well have), and they were "kind". I'm thinking, 'great, she's talking them all up, but I could be dealing with crazy folks in the operating room." To end, mindless chatter with Mary, I once again, laugh it off, smile and take my seat far across the waiting room lol.

~~~also, for the patients who came in to be registered after me, Mary had nothing but nice things to say about all the doctors...I don't know about ya'll, but I saw those Md's pictures on the handout she gave me, and some of 'em looked a bit shifty-eyed if you catch my drift, they can't all be stellar.~~~

"Danada Hart..." I hear my name, get up and meet with my nurse, Diane. I was immediately put at ease because she was nice and she shared the same name as my granny :) So, I get in my room, go through the dreaded act of putting on those funky lil' hospital gowns, and try my best to cover up my buns (lol). Even, after all of this, it's still only 6:20am & mind you, I had only slept for an hour so I was good and sleepy. I dozed off for a second, and Nurse Diane came in again, this time, it was to get my IV in... 0_0 I have 3 tattoos, but I seriously despise any kind of needle action lol.

Usually, when it comes to the needles my biggest issue is that I have "small veins" and well generally it takes numerous needle sticks before they find a vein willing to cooperate. Nurse Diane was the sh*t though, because she got smart...wrapped my arm in a heated towel told me to be still for 15 minutes came back and bam! one of my veins decided to make a guest appearance for the event. As you can see...it still left some bruising. smh

Let's fast forward a bit to the actual operating room. I've always been under the impression that once you go under, the doctors, nurses and anesthesiologists are probably madd silly and unprofessional...because it's not like they need to impress you anymore, you're unconscious. So during my moment of "going under" (which by the way sucks a lot of a$$ because that anesthesia burns like hell, your eyes become like weights and your respiratory system seems to just stop working). Anywho, I managed to get my last chuckles in when one of the nurses said, "It's pretty warm in here" and the anesthesiologist replied "probably because you've had your legs open..." Ya'll if I wasn't going under I would've laughed harder, but she (the nurse) must have noticed I heard it because she followed his comment with "I wonder how HR {human resources} would like that." (lmao) Afterwards....I was in a dreamland so deep I don't even remember it.

Post-op was great. I was so high off anesthesia and Vicodin that I wasn't even able to chew my Teddy Grahams the recovery room nurse gave me. I would start eating one, then fall asleep mid-chew...wake up and finish it 5 minutes later (lmao, gross. i know) The experience wasn't bad. The hospital staff had me at ease and besides the OR blunder, they were all very professional.

On a better note, I still have BOTH of my ovaries! YAY! && I'm still riding the wave of a pain med high...at least until the post-op pain stops :-/

Take Two of these and Get the f*** Outta My Face!

Ahhh....

Okay ladies and gentlemen, for those that don't know me, I work for a large retail pharmacy chain. (Which would probably be in my best interest NOT to name) The job's cool. I've learned a lot, met some interesting people, worked alongside brilliant pharmacists who are well versed in their field. In general, I think it's an okay position.

Yet, with every good thing, comes 15 million bad things. Working in a pharmacy, especially of the retail variety is highly stressful. People are weirdos...and lucky for me, I get to deal with all these society misfits on a daily basis. Okay, I'll admit...I'm being waaaay nicer in this blog than I really feel like I should be. So, with that said let me tell ya'll the type of day I've had at work...well, let me just tell you about what goes on.

First, I used to work for a store that did a high volume of Medicaid. I have nothing against Medicaid, I find it to be a great program and very helpful for those who cannot afford their own health insurance, are unemployed and otherwise disabled or have children that need healthcare. Those reasons, totally valid and understandable. BUT for some people, Medicaid is supposed to be the "free crutch". These are the people who come into the pharmacy, doctor's offices, etc...and expect for everything to be free just because they're on Medicaid. Um, no boo boo. Nothing in life is free, and having Medicaid doesn't make you privilaged to any perks...it actually puts you at a disadvantage.

Working in the pharmacy, we meet all types of people from all different walks of life. Most of them unfortunately are bum a$$ people who don't care about themselves, or anyone else. In my opinion, anyone who wakes up in the morning and starts their day without giving the mirror as much as a glance, is gross. Do you not see the sleep in your eyes? I don't see how you can't cause I spotted it across the counter when you walked into the store. Does it not matter to you that your hair is ALL over your head... you didn't even bother to comb it? Do you care that you just walked in here smelling like yesterday's trash? I mean seriously, as a people we have to do better, but we can't necessarily help each and every individual. Some people just have to find their own way.

One of our pharmacy's ways of ensuring the correct package is sent to the correct patient is by doing an address verification. So, when someone picks something up, we ask a VERY simple question. "What is your address?" You would think we asked people to recite back to us all of Newton's Laws or something, because that one question gives people that famous 'deer in the headlights' look. I mean seriously, where do you freakin' live? We get everything from, "You might have my mama's address, but I live at (insert address here)" to people telling us their life story about why they moved 15 times in the last year. It gets beyond frustrating, when you're required to ask this question to each patient and more than half of them can't just answer the damned question. We all fall on hard times, and sometimes I am even persuaded to think that hard times just decide to fall on us, but why DO you move so much? Stop trying to live off of government assistance, spending your children's child support checks and acting like you're "balling" and just do what normal self-sufficient people do and GET A JOB!!

Saying that brings me to another point. As I've said before, there are a number of good reasons why someone should be eligible to receive goverment funding and for those people, I'm sure it's deserved. However, there are a good sh*tload of people who get on these government programs as a way to extend their hustle. There's no reason for you to get food stamps, a welfare check AND Medicaid healthcare coverage and you drive a 2008 BMW 325i. NO REASON. If you're dating the neighborhood dope man, then maybe you should re-evaluate your situation and find someone more stable. Let's face it, if he gets caught-up the police are seizing everything you own anyway...might as well find something legitimate now.

The bullsh*it is never-ending when you work in healthcare, because you meet a variety of people and they all carry their issues in the door with them. Rich folks are no better. I've recently been transferred to a store that is in a more well to-do part of the city and some of them are crazier than Stephon Marbury on Twitter. They're only exception is that most of them have cash and they don't care about how much something costs...the downside with that is, money can't always buy everything.

The "rich people" stories are different. A lot of them are going through divorces and sometimes, if you're lucky and you came to work on the right day, you'll watch their whole marriage unfold right in the line as they tell ALL THEIR BUSINESS in a waiting room full of people. You can catch spoiled rich kids get one over on their parents as they swindle money off their parents' credit cards using our easy pay option. And of course, like any place that has narcotics, you see the variety of drug addicts come through. They usually have more lies than a Russian spy.

By the end of the work day, I just want them all out of my face. Get gone and take ya BS withcha!

Ahh, Say It Ain't So

This morning, like most mornings in the past few months; I opened my eyes, thanked God for another day, grabbed my Blackberry and proceeded to tweet my good morning tweet. As the little update circle on Ubertwitter began to twirl and twirl with no results, I then noticed...there was a problem. At first, I was good and ready to call T-Mobile and request they send me another Blackberry. I've had issues with mine before, freezing up and giving me the never-ending hourglass of death. I exited out of Ubertwitter and tried good ole Twitterberry...nothin'. Okay, how about mobile web...that wouldn't even load the Twitter page. At this point, I'm frustrated and honestly, feeling like something is definitely wrong!

I get out of bed, head straight to my living room and get on my laptop. Okay, the globe is there...I'm connected..NO TWITTER!!!!! By now, I'm fully prepared to just lay down and give up the ghost. No Twitter connection means I'm cut off from a good 200+ people, but at least 25 people that I actually talk with on a daily basis. These people are almost like friends to me, we share jokes, euphemisms, daily work rants and just general happenings.

I got smart...there's always Blackberry Messenger!! Lucky me! lol So, I get on my bbm and send a message to my best friend to check if her Twitter is working, to which she informs me it's not. For good measure, I bbm a few other Twitter peeps who also share bbm with me, we're all hurting cause there's no Twitter. Somewhere, in the midst of like four conversations with people a thought dawned on me. Well, for one...I'm a twitter addict (and I'm sure I'm not alone on that) and for two, as a society we rely waaaaay to much on technology. In that 2 hour window of time in which I was frantically trying to find a Twitter signal, I could have been occupying my time better. How many of us can really go back to the time before the internet consumed us with watching YouTube videos, posting messages on friends' Facebook walls, updating our MySpace pages, and now as a Twitter-friend of mine said, "tweeting your life away". (shout out to @SoleCraver lol) He had a point though, whether he meant it the way he said it or not, at the essence of his words stood a very valid point. We are such a socially connected society that we spend a ridiculous amount of time behind our computers, phones and whatnot 'internetting our lives away'.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm glad that we live in a society in which we're able to connect with people all over our nation and our world by a mere click of the "follow" icon, and chances are, I'm probably not going to stop social networking. However, the thought is scary that if we lost all of this today...what would we do? That's something to chew on, because if you're reading this blog, you're connected. You may also have tabs up for Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, YouTube, Skype...etc. So, if it does end one day in a cataclysmic event...I'm glad to have met you all, much love! (lmao) Hope I didn't freak ya out too much! <3